Avoidance is Not a Communication Strategy
Or at least not an effective one
People often ask me how I come up with the ideas for this newsletter every week.
Sometimes it’s from an interesting article I’ve read, or from a conversation over brunch, or a question from one of you all.
And sometimes I write things for myself. This is one of those times.
Let’s get this out of the way — I am not the best at what I like to refer to as “low stakes” conflict.
Recently, I had been working with a trainer for nearly two years, and for various reasons, I decided I wanted to switch up my routine and no longer work with him.
In my attempt to “break up” with him, I was neither direct nor clear enough, and he did not pick up on the vague hint I was giving. Eventually, the universe had to take care of it for me by having him move away two weeks later.
I am pretty sure that a lot of you can relate. You know there is an issue that you should deal with, but instead of handling it immediately, you postpone it and just kind of hope that it will go away.
While avoidance does very occasionally work out, let’s be honest, usually it does not. And in the process, it often ends up making things worse and causing you unnecessary stress and anxiety in the meantime.
We are so afraid of disappointing another person or having to deal with their feelings that we postpone innocuous conversations, and often end up proving ourselves right when the anger comes once we eventually get around to having that conversation.
People are not mindreaders, they don’t know our internal thought process. All they know is that they were counting on one thing, and now it is suddenly not happening.
No one enjoys having things not go their way, but more than that, we do not enjoy feeling like we have been misled.
We are all capable of handling a little disappointment. And even more, we are all capable of handling someone else being disappointed in us.
I think you will find that the anticipation of the potentially difficult conversation is significantly worse than the actual conversation, and that having them will improve your relationships.
Take it from this formerly terrible, now only mediocre, conflict haver.
Ask Yourself
How do you feel about having difficult conversations? Are you more afraid of disappointing someone? Or having to deal with their disappointment?
Normal People Recs
This Week’s Product
Tis the season for roses. This rose tea blend will last longer than any bouquet and lets you savor a moment of calm while nourishing your skin and heart from within.
This Week’s Article
This podcast episode from Modern Love shares peoples’ stories of the most romantic things that have happened to them. It will bring a smile to your face… and maybe even inspire your own romantic gesture this Valentine’s Day.